Page 119 and loads of text.
Ok now READ THAT DESCRIPTION, maybe it can help you.
At first, I hadn't plan on writing that last panel so, here is its story:
Most of MP had already been written (in case I die choking on a cookie some other talented artist can draw it!) when I met that guy, yes you know -that- guy, and fell in love with him. He didn't look like a very happy guy and I fell in that well-known trap: playing the St Bernard. I was blinded by love and sure I could make him change and be happy - because you know, I was SO different from the others - oooh that fatal error! At first it went ok as usual but very quickly, like in two months, he changed. He got angry for the most ridiculous reasons, he was never happy, always complaining. In fact he didn't change, he just showed himself as he really was underneath the pretense of the first months. Fastforwarding the numerous episodes of that disastrous relationship let's just say he ruined my life for more than a year and a half. The nicer I was, the more irritable he became (like sulking for a whole evening without saying ONE word because my salad dressing wasn't good enough <-- true story), the saddest I got. I fell into depression (I mean the real stuff), I lost 10 kilos in a few months, I cried almost every day because he gave me at least one reason to cry almost every day... I had no pleasure in life anymore, I wanted to do nothing, see nobody... I realized it was really bad the day when I thought I finally understood why some people wanted to commit suicide... and still it went on... because that type of guys knows how to prevent you from leaving, don't they...
And one day as I was reading my script for MP... I realized... I had become Zira! That character I had never really liked or understood? I was just like her! I couldn't understand her better!
That man was just like Scar. He didn't like himself and he was incapable of loving someone else. Worse, he was like a black hole (or an asshole I must say...): he sucked all my enthusiasm and my good moods away. I gave him all I could: my time, my love, my energy. It was never enough and he never gave me anything back. No love, not even tenderness, no fun, no "thank you", nothing but criticism and reproach, (and also the impression of being either a piece of furniture in my own house or a sex object...hmm so nice!)...
So ladies, here is my humble piece of advice. Should you meet someone who's always sulking, who's never happy about what he's got in life, who's never happy about what you do for him, who constantly belittles you or complain about what you do wrong while never emphasizing what you do right... RUN AWAY!!!!
Give that person the number of a good psychiatrist (he'll say no of course but that's none of your business) and run away.
Those guys are toxic and they know perfectly how to keep you under control, because they know perfectly how to make you feel guilty. For months I thought I was doing things wrong.. Don't make the same mistake, learn from mine and never ever waste your love and energy for someone who obviously doesn't love you back.
Oh sure, when you leave him he'll swear to God he loves you and he may even cry, but that's not love, that's just the reaction of a kid who's lost his favourite toy. Toys can be broken you know... and it's very hard to repair those wounds. So run away.
I was stupid not to see the signs and not to listen to my friends who all advised me against him.
But at least I learnt a good lesson.
Here is my final point:
When you love someone you're nice to him aren't you? And you want him to be happy. And you like saying nice things to him. You want to make him laugh. You don't want to be mean or hurt him. You're sad when you see him sad, aren't you?
So let's be logical shall we?: if your man makes you sad, if he isn't nice to you, if he doesn't want to kiss you or hug you, if he makes you cry, if he can resume watching his movie while you're crying on the other side of the sofa AND complain because your sobs prevent him from hearing what his fave actor is saying on screen (<-- true story), if whatever you do is never good enough to him, then he DOES NOT love you. And he's propably a heartless neurotic bastard. Period. Full Stop.
Why did I write this?
- first because a lot of people in their comments don't understand Zira's reactions. And I can understand THEM. Nobody can understand this situation have they not experienced it themselves...
- second because I feel good now and I'd like to throw my happiness at that bastard's face!
- and last but not least because if I can help ONE single girl who'll remember this rant when she meets one of -those- guys, then I'll be happy.
I wish you all never to live what I lived.
Sorry for the grammar mistakes. And now back to the story...